Treasure

by Mike Debenham

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1.
02:48
A million little miracles are running 'round my brain. My legs are pumping faster than a diesel train. I'm spinning my wheels And everything feels so slow. My heart's a-pitter-patter and my eyes are open wide. We're stuck in here but I just want to go outside. I'm twitching my toes And everything goes so slow. Everybody's going slow, so slow. They just sit and watch the vegetables grow And they grow very slowly, you know? Why is everybody so slow? Other times when things are warm and sleepy in my head A million horses couldn't drag me out of bed. Occasionally I'm happy to be so slow. The world is full of noises but it's quiet in my mind. My friends all run in circles and I walk behind. I'm taking my time. Don't worry if I'm so slow. I just want to take it slow, you know? I'll sit back and watch the vegetables grow And they grow so slow. Why can't everybody be slow? (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
2.
01:58
Here's a weird thing, it was Monday morning. I was stumbling around in the kitchen yawning, Covering my toast with blackberry jam. (You mean strawberry jam?) I said blackberry jam! Then my toast was gone, vanished into space. I looked at my dad wiping jam off his face. I said, 'Hey dad, who ate my toast?' He said, 'I dunno. Must have been a ghost.' Well, that's spooky. You have to admit that that's spooky. Spooky spooky spooky. I saw a werewolf in the park today. He had a stick in his mouth, he wanted to play. A werewolf - come on, that's pretty cool. They only come out when the moon is full But here he was, running 'round in the sun, Not howling at all, he was having fun. 'That's not a wolf,' the owner said to me. 'It's a poodle.' Still, that's reasonably spooky. Poodles are reasonably spooky. Spooky spooky spooky. Another weird thing, let us all rejoice, I woke up one day with a spooky voice. Maybe I'm from Transylvania Or a vampire - ah ah ah. My mum said, 'Aw, I think it's sweet. You sound like the Count from Sesame Street.' Sesame Street? This was not my plan. Why does nobody understand that I'm spooky? I'm clearly meant to be spooky. Spooky spooky spooky? Wouldn't you say that I'm spooky? (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
3.
02:40
A pirate's life is the life for me, A leg made of wood where my leg used to be, Shivering timbers and scanning the sea For treasure, more treasure for me. My best friend here has a hook for a hand. It's fun to watch as she opens a can. And if we get bored we just sail back to land and say how much we love the sea. We don't do no killing Except when we're willing. We pause in the fighting for afternoon tea. But treasure, treasure, Mostly it's treasure. It's all about treasure for me. I dance a jig on the harbourside. My shoulder's bare since my penguin died. It's sad but she was delicious fried. Now poor Polly Penguin's in me, Looking for treasure, treasure, Could there be some treasure in me? If it's in my belly it might be quite smelly And that's not where treasure should be. Oh treasure, treasure, I really like treasure, you see. If you don't like treasure that works perfectly. It just means more treasure for me. A pirate's life is the life for me, But somewhat anachronistically We give to the poor and do odd jobs for free, Then sneak our way home to the sea, To get more treasure, treasure, The best thing that ever will be. And if you like treasure then have some for free. We're socialist pirates you see. We don't like to pillage, Won't burn down your village, Unless you've been really mean to me. But treasure, treasure, It's my main pleasure. It's all about treasure for me. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
4.
My parents told me when I was a boy On the first day of school: 'You can do as you please in this crazy old world, Just don't pee in the pool.' 'You can pee in the bushes, you can pee on the lawn, You can pee in a hole if you need to. You can pee in a toilet like normal folk do. Just don't pee in the pool.' All through my life I remembered their words. It was my golden rule Till one summer morning at age forty-five I peed in the pool. You can pee in the bushes, you can pee on a wall, You can pee in your pants if you need to. But then one summer morning at age forty-five I peed in the pool. My friends started screaming, the water grew rough. A voice from on high said, 'Enough is enough!' The aliens landed and pinched all my stuff And enslaved all humanity. I woke the next morning in my prison bed. I felt like a bit of a fool. Beside me my parents were shaking their heads Saying, 'Why did you pee in the pool?' You can pee in a urinal, pee on a tree. You can pee upside-down if you need to. You can pee in the sea if there's no one around. Just don't pee in the pool. No, don't pee in the pool. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
5.
(© 2019 Michael Debenham)
6.
They call me Betty Bat. I really love to scat. What's scat, you say? [Betty scats.] It's when I sing like that. [Um, something about bedbugs?] I may be just a bat But I run a laundromat. [Oh no, she's scatting again.] My friends say, 'Betty, please, Can we wash our clothes in peace?' I say... [Uh oh, more scat!] Would you like to sing some scat? There's nothing much to learn. It's [???] basically gibberish. Come on now, it's your turn. Let's go! [Raisin bran? Tadpole man? Help!] They call me Betty Bat. I clearly love to scat In my [...oh dear...] That's the Laundromat Scat. Yeah. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
7.
01:21
We all know our ABCs. It's easy, it's ABCsy. But the real key to success is To know your ZYXs. ZYXWV UTSR QPON MLKJIHG FED CBA Yeah, we all know our ABCs. It's easy, it's a little bit cheesy. But if you don't want to be Lunch for T. Rexes Then learn your ZYXs. ZYXWV UTSR QPON MLKJIHG FED CBA (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
8.
You look up at the ceiling, but I'm underneath a chair. You open up the cupboard, I'll be running up the stairs. Everywhere I should be, I'm incredibly not there 'Cause I'm the best at hide and seek and you'll never find me. No, you'll never find me, you'll never find me. I'm the best at hide and seek and you'll never find me. From Furtive Fred to Sneaky Sue, I beat them one and all. You didn't even notice when you passed me in the hall. I painted myself blue to match the colour of the wall 'Cause I'm the best at hide and seek and you'll never find me. No, you'll never find me, you'll never find me. I'm the best at hide and seek and you'll never find me. Count to ten and I'll be gone gone gone, Hidden well behind a plate of scones. Oh, ready or not, you won't find me. My parents haven't seen me since the day that I was born. I live inside a secret hole I dug under the lawn. I nibble on old fish bones and half-eaten cobs of corn But I'm the best at hide and seek and you'll never find me. No, you'll never find me, you'll never find me. I'm the best at hide and seek and you'll never find me. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
9.
03:04
I eat cats, cats for breakfast. I eat cats, late at night. Gingers and tabbies and Siamese too, Roasted or scrambled or cooked in a stew. It's them or me. Oh, can't you see? If I don't eat cats, cats'll eat me. I eat cats, they taste awful. I eat cats, not for fun. During the day they're all cuddly and sweet. I wake up at night and they're chewing my feet. Waking in fright, night after night. If I don't eat cats, cats'll eat me. People say I'm strange. Maybe I am, maybe I am. As they gobble their bacon and beef, They say to me, 'Maybe you're deranged.' And maybe I am, maybe I am, maybe I am. I eat cats, kitten fritters. I eat cats, feline soup. Lately it seems every kitten I see Is licking its lips and staring at me Tell me, my friend, where will it end? If I don't eat cats, if I won't eat cats, cats'll eat me. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
10.
01:48
Pants! (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
11.
Mary Lou, I've written a song for you Mary Lou, my oldest friend Mary Lou or Mary Lee... Wait, stop - start over. Here's a song for probably Mary Lou Or for maybe Mary Lee Mary Lee or Mary Lou or Pat? Drat - start it again. I'm hopeless. You know that I’ve never been good with names. Roses - whatever you call 'em they still smell the same. So here's a song for wonderful What's-Her-Face Or for dear old You-Know-Who Mary Lou or Ming or Sue or Steve. I can't remember anything Anything or anyone. I sing a song until it's sung. I sing it for probably you. So here's a song for basically everyone Mary Lou and you and me Me and you and Mary Lou. Now stop - end of the song. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
12.
01:52
Clap along with me Quite attentively Maybe we will see goat W. and E. L.O. and V.E. then G.O.A.T. - goat He is angry all the time When he bleats my spirits climb Clapping on the five Show that you're alive Maybe he'll arrive... nope He's untrainable Barely chainable unexplainable - goat Clapping on the five Show that you're alive Maybe he'll arrive... nope Who can fight against his charms? He has legs instead of arms He sings sweet like car alarms, oh Mister Goat He can eat most anything With his mouth all slobbering When he bleats the angels sing, 'Oh Mister Goat' Take some viciousness Add suspiciousness And capriciousness - goat W. and E. L.O. and V.E. then G.O.A.T. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
13.
02:49
Wake up, young Sally, there's hearts to be broke. Come down, come down, come down. Time to remember the words that we spoke. Come down, come down, come down. Come down, come down, come down to the bridge. Who is it calls with this horrible song? Go 'way, away, away. I'll not be woke till the morning is long. Go 'way, away, away. Go 'way, away, away, gentle boy. Time to be quit of the ivory tower. Come down, come down, come down. Dance with me now in the November shower. Come down, come down, come down. Come down, come down, come down to the bridge. Quiet your piping, my sweet minstrel fool. Go 'way, away, away. I'll dance you tonight if your love doesn't cool. Go 'way, away, away. Go 'way, away, away, gentle boy. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)
14.
15.
The other day I heard a rumour: Some people don't have a sense of humour. So here's a little song to say Don't eat cats, please. (© 2019 Michael Debenham)

about

Prepare to shiver your timbers.

'Treasure' is a boatload of funny sing-along tunes in a variety of styles. Fourteen-and-a-half all-original songs for kids (and former kids).

Thanks for listening.

Visit michaeldebenham.net for more details.

credits

released January 31, 2019

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All songs written and performed by Mike.

Special thanks to my nephew James for sailing with me on 'Treasure', and to Heli for supplementary cats, goats and pants. Art(?)work by Mike.

© 2019 Michael Debenham

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Mike Debenham Melbourne, Australia

I'm a writer and musician based in Melbourne, Australia.

Not actually a goat.

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